Who will love you?

“We accept the love we deserve.”

The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky

I obtained that novel along with several other seemingly random novels from a particularly impressive used bookstore while perusing my favorite section. That was some time ago when I was a younger man, and that quote stuck with me as something profound which I did not fully understand. I contemplated it for a while, ended up no further than where I began, and then filed it away for an indeterminate amount of time.

Once in a blue moon that quote would come to mind if my thoughts wandered near the subject and I would contemplate it again. Still I found myself unsure of any complete meaning. Was it a statement about a person’s psychological quality, and if so was it a state of awareness as consciousness, or unconsciousness? Could it then be categorized like a personality type indicator or horoscope matching tool? Possibly maybe, but that didn’t feel even remotely good enough for me to accept as adequate for the depth of the meaning that the words implied, but it was a start.

What kept me wondering was the concept of “deserving” something. As in being truly worthy of a certain blessing and more; feeling worthy of a certain blessing. If you did not feel like you were good enough for your partner or your partner for you, then it simply wouldn’t work, but how could you measure any standard of value when it comes to something as mysterious and complex as love?

How could you even make a claim for any type of love without being arrogant and prideful about deserving that which is supernatural and divine? Something that is totally beyond our human worth as a divine blessing is not something any of us deserve, but we know we are granted it anyway. At least, we do if we are Catholics. “For I am not worthy to enter under your roof, but only say the word and my soul shall be healed,” is the expression I learned that reinforced that humility most clearly. But that is divine love of the highest order beyond what any person can give as human beings, and it is far greater than romance, marriage, and anything we humans do.

So then what am I to think about the maidens I feel so strongly in love with from time to time who evoke such strong passionate love from me as that which I would lay down my life for if necessary. If the love which I feel comes from that highest divine source of truth and goodness as both something I receive to evoke my passion and something I express when that superhuman love overwhelms what I am capable of feeling and bursts forth from me in words and emotions, then why is it always consumed by an empty void of nothingness and never returned?

Surely they do not love me, and they in fact hate me, so I’d better keep my distance because that is not what I deserve in return for what I felt. Thus my journey went on and continues to go on and it is no trouble to keep going. The spiritual return is mysterious, but also the words, messages, and simple human communication of a basic social order that is as fundamental to our existence as to be known when we are small children, was absent.

It must truly be hate from those people, but I couldn’t imagine what reason they would have to hate me. It’s not like I was coveting them with lewd thoughts and being perverted with desire. It was totally unnatural and did not make sense with the facts of reality that I came to know as true from a multitude of sources I observed in the natural world.

While they seemed an unnatural sentiment of hate, I never suspected anything evil about those people, even if it was cold heartedness resulting from their willingness to shut off their humanity and extinguish the light of their soul, rejecting all that is divine, true, and good about life. A lot of people do that so it isn’t all that unusual, even if I find it baffling why anyone would think that profitable or beneficial to anyone including themselves. It likely makes life miserable for them too, and I wish I could help but there is nothing I can do when they reject me not as a lover, but as a human being. A neighbor, a friend, a man, and a person that is not only untouchable, but not to be given a word at all, even that of a rebuke which would have been less insulting.

Any form of human identity they deny me to this day by ignoring all communications of expressed love that I am all but certain they are aware of because of the truth that inspired the experience being so powerful and clear with their resonance. What can I do? You cannot force a person to love you. So I move on and don’t look back. Maybe I will see them again, maybe not. Either way, it is enough to maintain my own soul that I cannot afford to martyr myself needlessly for some random stranger who does not deserve such a thing because it would do them no good and cost me everything. It is insanely evil that they would even imply that I should humiliate myself for them only and not all of humanity, and it is actually quite easy to leave them behind because of how horrible maidens reveal themselves to be when I realize that is what they want.

I am convinced that 99.9 percent of maidens worldwide are of no value as maidens because they espouse evil with such arrogant demands of self-importance as to test a man by requiring him to lay down his life first. In case they didn’t know, that happened once and for all a long time ago, and I don’t believe it was even necessary, but it doesn’t matter what I believe, because it happened whether necessary or not, and I sure as hell wouldn’t do it under any circumstances, not even his. I would have kicked Judaism to the curb and learned wisdom instead.

You cannot buy good with an evil exchange. Sorry, Christians, but that is a fact. Jesus’ so called “sacrifice” is not enough for people like me who have higher moral standards and more self-respect than that, and there is no way, even with his YHWH in the fullness of what is implied, that he could equate to who I am with the highest divine because he was in fact Jewish and dying for those people was the total, complete, and whole reason why he did what he did, and it had nothing to do with me and was in fact a pure expression of hatred toward me.

Anyway, a maiden who cannot use human language is not worthy of human love. So, keep that in mind if you ever spill your heart out and never get a response. They do not deserve you because they do not meet the minimum standard of human decency that applies to all people. It may be unpleasant to be insulted with such an offensive gesture, but the shame is theirs for doing it, not yours.

So it occurred to me just a little while ago what it means to accept the love you deserve, and not because it applies to me. It occurred to me because of how it applies to the maidens I love.

They need to be comfortable with, willing, and able to receive the highest divine presence through their body as normal everyday life. They need to in practice be able to commune with and for female divinity. Not take on airs about it, but be totally comfortable with the presence of the Goddess working through them the same way I am with male divinity. Just because people mock me, deny me, hate me, abuse me, discriminate against me, and do all manner of injustice doesn’t make it any less true that I do what I do with highest divine purpose and I know what that is more than anyone.

Don’t get too carried away with that explanation because this is about human love and marriage, which implies… doing it.

For some reason it became culturally appropriate in the USA to deride masculinity by conveying the perception that it is humiliating for a man to want to pleasure a woman. That is the dumbest thing in the world, in my opinion, and I don’t know why anyone believes that nonsense. It is often conveyed as “putting the pussy on the pedestal”. Such crude remarks as that are not welcome in conversations about love.

If you refer to a woman as simply her reproductive part in life, you do her great insult, which is why the word “cunt” is used for that. Same thing with men being called “dicks”. That is much more socially accepted, but it is not any less insulting.

So yes, the love I have to give to a maiden is for that of a Goddess. Not any personalities of Paganism or idols of any variety either. The real deal highest divine wisdom known to Gnostics as Sophia, but she is not a person, she is the manifestation of the wisdom that is the highest divine, and that is far greater than any person can be.

If you will contemplate these things, check your human concepts at the door and do not try to apply human relationships to these divine concepts. We are too far along in human progress to tolerate such misleading ignorance. There are no mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, husbands, brides, children, brothers, sisters, or anything of that type up there, so don’t you dare try to carry your human perversion up to where they are not welcome. You won’t be able to first of all, but you will also offend the persons who are far above that and still infinitely below what I am referring to.

Do you know how I came to this conclusion? By watching pornography. I do so not out of any perversion or evil, but truly out of love, and that is simply what is available to people like me in this age in the desolate hellhole they call the USA. There is no true love anymore except that which is publicly occurring in media as a lot of people experience it with the actresses. It is cheap love, and it is not the preferred way, but it is all that is left after centuries of systematic extermination of Gentiles.

It is not cheap for the people who provide the conduit for true divinity to express of love, not for the maiden who is unfortunately left with no other choice but to use her body, nor myself as a man who has no other choice but to use the Word which is an insanely heavy burden no man should be expected to be able to carry. The people who are able to do that do so by paying a price that cannot be valued or estimated because it is so great. I know that by experience, but also because I study the subject of divinity and spirituality as necessary for my profession applying divinity and spirituality to entertainment, and thus have come to understand how it happens.

I am in fact doing all that I can to set the world as it should be, but I am only a man, and a single one at that. Just because the highest divine communicates through me and is always present with me, doesn’t mean I can just snap my fingers and magic the world perfect. I am limited to the same human condition as everyone else and if you ever expect me to do something divine for you, imagine asking yourself first.

So, hopefully the maiden who swoops in is the love of my life I most hope for, because she knows she deserves the treatment for a goddess, from a god, because that is what we give to the public. A god’s gift and blessings of pleasure are not only bodily. They are far more significant in the spiritual plane where gods and goddesses dwell.

So, the conclusion is this:

The love a person deserves is directly correlated to their commitment to true love. People like me and the love of my life give all of ourselves to it and don’t look back or regret it. We are 100 true love, and that is why divinity favors us, because true love is the highest divine.

As I mentioned before, that is a great sacrifice, but it is definitely worth it. There is literally infinite highest divine, so it’s not only limited to individuals such as the love of my life maiden of ultimate loveliness with the most sacred honey yum yum most divine, or the humble savage of irresistible nobility and charm, savior of all civilization, destroyer of evil as myself. There is more than enough for everybody to have more than enough. So, there is no need to fight, scheme, or do any of the foolishness people do for finite resources because this one is infinite, freely available, and it is not for humans to decide how it is distributed with the exception of formal, doctrinal religion, or mystery school.

That’s all I will write about that for now.

A rant beginning with the unsuitability of a mother figure as a goddess

A mother is no goddess and is a vile insult to such a sacred thing. A goddess is never a mother. Mothers are disgusting and foul beings unsuited for sanctity, especially because of how morally ignorant they are.

Let it be law that no mother should ever invest her identity in her child. That didn’t happen to me, because I never picked up such a wretched thing, but some unfortunate children do. The woman certainly tried, but I observed it, tested it safely, found it not good, and left it alone. There were some good universal things in the public domain trying to disguise it, but those were easily separated.

It was especially easy because I left her when I was 12 years old and never looked back. Her commitment to circumcision was literally killing her because of me. I couldn’t explain it then, but I knew something was wrong and me being around was what was killing her, so I left. Now I know why that is. Sure enough, she recovered right away when I was gone. It worked the opposite with my dad. When I was around, he tried to be a better person, but that was hell for me and I didn’t know it because he purposely set me up for failure in a fruitless attempt to feel superior as a person.

I got the hell out of that life when I was 17 and never looked back, and many years later learned what the hell was going on when I matured from a young adult to an adult. He did put some of his identity in me, because I had trusted him as a child, him being my father and that being the socially advisable thing to do, and it was a terrible mistake. He intended to kill me, not help me in any way, and attempted to as well. It was hell removing that part from me, and I had to destroy an entire evil nation and start the apocalypse to do it, but I was successful. Fortunately, that should make it a lot easier for anyone else who needs to do it and save them some effort.

Consider it my thanks for helping raise me when I was on the road learning life the old fashioned way with a long journey and no destination other than… let us call it a lode of honey yum yum deep under the world. I found it and returned several times to fill my canteen while devising a plan to make it widely available to the public in infinite quantities and set in motion a plan to bring that about. Crucial to the plan was an ancient spiritual technology that was broken and scattered around the world. I searched around for pieces and reinvented it.

In order to use that technology I had to give my own life fully and totally by a process once known in Greece as kenosis. Ironically, it was doing that and being resurrected by divine power beyond my control, which made me aware of my biological father’s murderous intent for me. Fortunately I was able to disarm and destroy it before it could do anyone else any harm. When it was over I actually became younger and turned into a child again. I think I’m going to stay this way, and the girls who are trying to eat me can stay outside, because I’m no Jesus Christ.

There are some cute maidens I wouldn’t mind inviting into the secret hideout though, but that isn’t easy for a popular and adored idol to do without causing a stir. I can actually empathize with most popular celebrities, I think. That’s because of how the government acts like some sort of nightmare version of paparazzi and critically analyzes everything I do to make some destructive story about my reputation on a daily basis. I can’t go outside without them jumping all over me and harassing me every step of the way.

I can’t even keep them out my domicile because of their invasive and unlawful use of technology that violates every citizen’s privacy. In some ways it may even be worse, because government paparazzi have access to things the media paparazzi do not. They also wield an incredibly destructive and violent force of power in order to get they want from whoever they want unlawfully, to include modern nations overseas. So, it’s like paparazzi with knives and guns and bombs waiting for a chance to shoot me with a bullet instead of a camera in case I pick my nose in public.

At any rate… what we were we talking about? Yeah, down with the sacred mother, up with the sacred maiden. That is a form of religious worship I can get involved in and enjoy. Not in a perverse way, but in a good way. Like Dana is as the Maiden of the Great Tree. Is a lovely maiden not the epitome of creation? The very greatest of all that is and ever will be in the eyes of man? Everything else was not good enough, but the maiden was the final piece of creation that made existence perfect. There will only be one to equal the maiden in loveliness, and she will still be maidenly, just in the form of synthetic life yet to come.

I guess it’s kind of like back then, because the lovely maiden today was indoctrinated to think circumcision was good, but as I have abundantly pointed out to the world, she will realize it’s evil, which should be obvious anyway. It was also something that was well known throughout history before records and art started getting altered and destroyed to try and deceive people. Hopefully soon she will come to her lovely senses and be a blessing to all creation once again, instead of a foul and hideous mother of evil to be reviled.

Do you think the Vatican keeps any of those destroyed records in a secret vault? …. alright I’m done.