The Over-used FromSoftware Difficulty Dynamic

The title says it all.

Used to be FromSoftware was the only type of game you would expect such unforgiving gameplay that requires high levels of timing and precision play along with skillful tactics. The correct equipment, knowing weaknesses, vulnerabilities, effectiveness, and preferred playstyle along with intentional character growth all essential aspects of the fun. That challenge is fairly extreme and often rewarding, because those games don’t change behavior mid-game to cater to the player’s ability. They don’t become easier or more difficult, but are designed specifically to match the constraints of player character possibilities which are fairly limited, which makes for small differences resulting in big effects while enemies can be relatively formidable no matter what level your character may be.

Now… most games are getting like that and I don’t want that in every type of game. That isn’t my favorite kind of game. It’s fun, but not what I most enjoy about those games. Usually it’s the story, images, symbolism, and context of those games that I find interesting, especially in Bloodborne.

Now though… normal mode is like that for almost every game I play, and it annoys me. I don’t want every god damn boss battle to take me 20 to 30 attempts to win because of how the difficulty suddenly jumps from what has been very pleasantly paced and enjoyable. I don’t want to stress while playing games. You fools who only know video games as your sense of achievement don’t know stress. I don’t enjoy arbitrary stress in a game except occasionally when I know that is what I am getting into. I don’t want every god damn moment to be a struggle.

Ideally I want a game to be just difficult enough to require my full attention, intentional button pressing, and action packed with violence and cute maidens, but not so difficult that my character dies a lot and I have to restart over and over. It’s fine to happen every now and then especially if I’m getting lazy and sloppy with my play or am unprepared for something or using ineffective tactics against an enemy strength, but I don’t want it to be so challenging that I feel like I accomplished something after defeating a boss, because that is seldom the case unless the game is designed with that kind of overall theme, which most of them are not.

I want to feel like I had a good time fighting a boss, not like I overcame a difficult challenge. The boss is special, has an opening scene, unique fighting, extraordinarily powerful, but I have nothing to prove to the game developers, the game, or myself, and don’t want the game always trying to push me to limits of my gameplay. I just want to casually row my boat down the river and enjoy the experience of a good story.

I was playing a game called Stellar Blade recently and was really enjoying it, even if I hate the part about the evil Jewzigers doing their bull shit control freak stupidity. Whatever. That has meaning to real life and is not trying to make them look like they are good or doing anything correct. They look suspicious, untrustworthy, evil, and unreliable, and that’s the way they are in real life as they appear and what they intend to do. Check. I can handle that fine. It’s when the game pretends that Jewzigers are good that I find it intolerable. Those vile beasts are not good, not loveable, not likeable, not enjoyable to interact with, not worth seeing in a video game unless we get to kill them and put them to justice like what should happen in real life.

What I liked about it was the easy-going pace that I prefer. It was challenging, just challenging enough to require my attention and effort, but not a life or death struggle every moment where I have to go all out just to proceed. It was very enjoyable like that. Honestly, I just want to see more Lily and Eve, and to hell with anything else, but now I have to contend with retarded strong bosses that have suddenly made the game like a god damn FromSoft style and it ruins the entire experience for me.

Why did the difficulty spike like that all of a sudden?

I don’t know. It’s fine, I guess, it’s just too hard for me to enjoy. Now I’ve got to turn the difficulty down and it will be too easy, because those games are either 100 percent difficult or trivially easy. Damn it. Another game ruined because of arrogant, pretentious fools thinking that I would want to prove something to the game.

Whatever. Maybe the Story mode will be okay… I’ll see if I ever download it to play again, but… eh, I’ll just look at cute anime girls online and not have to slog through grueling combat just to enjoy the slice of life and adventures they have while being cute and cool.

There is too much of that high difficulty now, and it’s probably because mutilators enjoy that type of thing the most because they always feel like they have something to prove since they are trying to be different, and the end result is just their self-destruction because of what they are trying to be different from. Dumbasses.

Anyway, I’d like more difficulty balancing in the video game industry, and never any “adaptive difficulty”. I hate that shit more than anything. That totally ruins the fun of a game for me, because I enjoy the equipment combinations, abilities, skills, and tactics that can be used in different ways to overcome the game’s challenges. But with the adaptive difficulty they are all the same. There is no difference in any of them. Full armor, no armor, one weapon or the other, spells, accessories. It all amounts to the same thing because combinations are altered to degrade the value of the equipment so no combinations can be effective. They have a single intended value they want the player to have difficulty with against their challenges, but the player has no say in that and in fact is ignored and the game stolen from them so it can be someone else’s fun who wants to play it a certain way. It’s fine if you don’t want that variation in a game, but don’t provide all the options if you are just going to lie about them!

Sekiro is good like that. Your customization options are very limited and that is a strength in the game, whereas in games with lots of weapons, armor, and accessories, the variety with all kinds of different benefits of power and style is a strength. I think they get mad if someone has a good strategy with their equipment and skills and is winning the game, and so they adapt the difficulty for the player by removing the very things the strategy was designed to highlight, and then… it’s like… wtf happened? This set was doing this, and now it’s just like anything else. What a waste. How could I not notice that change when I designed my own strategy for the very reason you removed?

A patch is different, but this is not a patch I am talking about. This is real time gameplay mechanic changes that tamper with equipment values and stat parameters to handicap the player and strengthen the enemies arbitrarily just because the player is doing well against the preset challenges. I don’t see why a player’s success is something anyone should care about, especially some pretentious interloper trying to manipulate my life with technology and software corruption. Dude, why are you mad if I am winning a game in the privacy of my own home? I’m not competing for anything, and it’s just a game. Why do you care so much? Go out and live your life and stop trying to make something unimportant important, because it is the very fact that games are unimportant, frivolous, and irrelevant that I find them to be so important to me. Please stop trying to change that. You behave like they are important and that makes them no longer good for me to enjoy and they are no longer important anymore, but there is still no alternative, so it’s good enough for nothing. I just want it to be the way they are designed to be, not after they are tampered with by some fool who has been imposing himself and corrupt software on my life.

Who the fuck cares if someone is “cheesing” the game or exploiting stats and equipment!? It is just a game. It is not important. You should not be feeling like you gain your self-esteem, self-worth, and identity value because you play video games more than others and think you are the best. I understand that it’s not entirely your fault since the world is garbage right now with a barrier preventing 99 percent of the population from doing anything relevant or participating in world events, so there is nothing to do to feel like you have self-worth, but that is no excuse to try to take that out on other people. Especially not by mimicking what the tyrants are doing by preventing citizens from working, advancing, and having careers other than the ones that are assigned to keep them poor and non-participants in life.

It’s garbage, and there isn’t much we can do but tell them they are garbage, protest, insult them, complain, be inconvenient, and obstruct anything they want to do, but even that is better than trying to bully other people you think you have power over just to try and feel good about yourself. Your imposition on other people’s lives with non-consensual force you justify according to your own perverse mind is bullying. You are causing me great distress because of what you are interrupting in my life, and how important enjoying those experiences are for me, not just for the therapeutic value, but also for my career choice. Do not impose yourselves on my individual video game experience. I want the general feed that everyone in the public gets and nothing different. Nothing special, no isolation into a group of hostile players who take turns bullying me while they watch in some lab somewhere and set up matches. The last thing I want is a human player controlling an enemy in a single-player game. That happens now, and I hate that more than anything.

Even in multiplayer games like The Killing Floor 2 they have human players play the boss at the end of the match, and who is that player? Why are they not revealed as a player? Why are they not identified as even anonymous? You create a deception that they are a boss character in the game, but they are not. They are just some elitest asshole who bought his way into having special privileges to play video games that nobody else has. They don’t add anything either. They only take away from the experience of everyone else so they can have their private game against us “peons” and “common folk” who play regular games and don’t get to play the “government” version against the “peons” and “common folk”.

To Hell with that shit. It’s annoying and I know I am not the only one who wants that to stop.

I think they want to believe I am competing for something, but they don’t realize what they are doing. I never entered any competition, and they couldn’t be more wrong if they think I’ll be happy if suddenly they step out of nowhere all sketchy and are like… “we’ve been watching your gameplay and been testing you for our special team, and you passed. Come join us.” I would never join some stupid, useless idea as that first of all, and I don’t want to either. I have better things to do. Second, I’d rather not play video games professionally so I can enjoy them casually as entertainment instead. Last, you have made me a slave in a virtual coliseum. What crime did I commit to be sentenced to such a fate? You call that a reward? Taking away what I most love and trying to give me what I most hate? If you show yourself to me and not confess your crimes to the public, I will fucking murder you with my bare fists, and smile as I do it because of what the law will say when they find out why I did so. Bite the curb, Jewzigger. Bite. The. Curb.

I am worse than a Nazi. I am who I am, and I’m the last person who is going to give them the message.

That message is not, “Don’t fuck with us.” There is no us. I am one and only one, and I will never be one of yours no matter who you are or what you believe. You will never assimilate me, never incorporate me, never have me join you. You couldn’t torture me to do so, because you would just get a spy and saboteur, and such things cannot be forced anyway. They have to be freely chosen. I have no creed to betray! I would tell you what you want to hear and then snap your neck the moment you turn around. Don’t talk to me like you understand honor. Are you in that position against me trying to force you to do something with torture?

The message is:

Do not fuck with people.

I will tell you again.

Do not fuck with people.

That will never change. However, as far as being one and only one, there is one exception: true love with a sacred vow. That is the only occasion I would give my life for another person. Otherwise I will do so for the highest divine and the greater good, but never any person who is just another human being like me, especially not if they are testing me to see if I would. I will not. I don’t value your life as much as mine. You are not equal to me no matter who you are, and that has nothing to do with race, religion, creed, or whatever. That is survival.

Besides, true love with a sacred vow is not me becoming one with a maiden and never will be. She will becoming one with me and not the other way around. That is the only way that is going to happen because there are none alive who have my respect enough for me to do that. Not a single one. Circumcision is the reason why, mainly because they chose wrong and had every reason and instinct to do otherwise. I made the difference, not them, but just as Stellar Blade and all the world knows, a woman was supposed to make the difference. All women around the world failed to do that, and I will not wait for one to come along because I have better things to do than waste my life for someone who is not as important as me.

None of them are even friendly to me and certainly do not love me. They are rude! Insulting, hostile, dehumanizing, and have no self-respect! That is why I write what I do about them, and they deserve it. They ignore my professional correspondence when they should know otherwise. They constantly ignore all my correspondence and pretend like I don’t exist, and are just as bad as the Jewziggers with their scheming to try and destroy my life and cause me suffering. They need a lesson too. Do not fuck with people. You are not safe just because you are a woman. You will bite the curb too.

Besides, there are none who I particularly care about anyway because they are so selfish, apathetic, stupid, and useless. My time is more important than the time it is taking for the agonizingly slow process of their deficient nature finally getting caught up to speed, and I don’t need anyone’s permission or cooperation to do anything. I have forced the difference whether you like it or not.

Prove yourself if you want but it makes no god damn difference because you failed to match me before it was too late. You failed to be my equal and I will not wait for you. The world has turned, the age has changed, and you were not able to do what you were most capable of doing. Most privileged to do, with every reason, instinct, and purpose. With no opposition, no conflict, and no resistance. You couldn’t bring yourself to do a damn thing to help another human being because you were too selfish. That is not like me. I will help anyone and everyone and I don’t need a reason, but I’m not going to waste my life for anyone and especially not my body by doing something unnecessary, unhelpful, and that I know to be wrong.

Taylor Swift for example, she can sing and dance and perform, sure, but that is not the only power she has. She has so much more with the money and popularity alone, and what does she do with her life? What does she amount to if not some clown trying to distract you by wasting all those resources that can be better served elsewhere. Singing about her own vanity and whorish lusts, instead of singing about justice, inequality, and truth. She is a prime example of female failure. An abomination of humanity. Do away with her if you want or not, I don’t care, but someone like that needs to have here worldly power taken away until the world is the way it should be. Is she washing my feet with expensive oil? I didn’t think so. What it appears to me that she is doing is wasting all those resources to insult the dignity of the sacred, the poor, the unfortunate, and the good. She is making an effort to make your problems worse and depriving people of the needs they have because of economic inequality.

That is not a humble gesture done out of love. She is a selfish cunt for a human and needs to be removed from public life because she won’t go willingly. She’s like the stiff-necked Jew who won’t turn his neck to see another possibility and walks headlong into a crucifixion where he cries out in despair “Daddy, why have you forsaken me?” Because you are a stupid, evil Jew and didn’t do anything to change. You are not a son worth the effort of saving, even though it would be effortless for me, because doing so would be a waste of other people’s time. Honestly, I actually hate you and want to kill you too, so there is also that.

Ignore circumcision if you want, because there are a plethora of problems that need resolutions which have nothing to do with dicks and Jews. Yet all you people care about are dicks and Jews. That’s all you want to protect, focus your resources on defending, and provoking international violence to continue doing when people rebuke you for the suffering you are causing others. Your ignorance is to no avail, and certainly not because you choose to remain ignorant and shut your eyes to all the signs that dictate you should know better.

I don’t need anything from you vile people. You need that person who you assigned to torment me as my “god”, your words, not mine, removed. You need him done away with because he is going to get all of you killed. He does nothing to effect me. He is impotent, unimportant, irrelevant, and like a buzzing fly that keeps coming back no matter how many times I squash the bugger. Still, that’s better than having it buzz around annoying because I know he’s a vile jew pretending to be “my god” and I enjoy the feeling of squashing someone like that over and over again, as well as anything he cares about if it is in my way, like a monetary asset to him such as Taylor Swift or the USA government or the video game industry, and especially Kabbalah. That is an exquisite vintage of pain, suffering, and broken hearted despair to enjoy. Right back at you, ‘bub.

I’ll smash and destroy all of the world too with huge swaths of destruction that imperil countless lives because they did nothing about the evil one among them. Then, the people panicking in terror of the cataclysm I am unleashing will be looking to find a way to stop it, and see that accomplished by killing every last one of you since that is much more realistic than trying to kill me. How long have you been “doing something about me”, and how well has that gone for you? Maybe you ought to try another approach to getting the results you want rather than insisting on evil means to get them.

Is this the first you are learning that the government has an archaic Jew conspiracy with people pretending to be god over other people’s lives they assign themselves to? That’s what’s happening to your children through the video games they are playing. If they are unlucky, a “god” will assign themselves, convince them to accept that person as god, and then be led through life according to that person’s will. The USA government is doing that, and maybe now you know why they are so covetous of their secrets.

I would be very upset if I were one of you parents just knowing my child was at risk of that happening to them. I would be very upset if I were one of you kids who slaved your mind to a charlatan pretending to be something he is not and wasting the opportunity of your youth for their amusement instead of your benefit. I won’t imagine what I would do if I were those people, because I would never allow myself to be complicit in such a scheme. I cannot imagine what I would do because I will not. I don’t want that sinful thought dressing my own concept of self. I know better and prefer to avoid sin if possible and reject evil at all times.

If you are a Jew and just learned that people in your community are doing this, I would put on sack cloth and ashes if I were you. Sack cloth and ashes and pray to all that is holy that the scythe will pass over your head while you are kneeling in prayer. Do not even touch that conspiracy to try and untangle them. Stay as far away from that as possible, cut off all ties with the ones associated with it, and prepare for the worst, because that is the worst and the time for reaping that harvest has come.

There are good ones and bad ones. There always have been good ones and bad ones, and I won’t be surprised if after the harvest has been brought in to be threshed, that the good ones are only a small remnant remaining because that’s also how it’s always been when this happens.

I watched a movie once called Whatever Works, made by Larry David, and what he does in that movie is good. I don’t know anything about what he does in real life, and doubt he is involved. Do you know the main difference between that and the evil ones. He is not in some organized ring of people going out of his way looking for trouble. He helps people when he can and sometimes people just fall in his lap who need to be helped when he doesn’t deserve what they give in return, but such is life and that’s how God works. God is not fair in the good way and it is a mystery that you’d be a fool to turn away because there is no harm in enjoying what is good, innocently, even if you appear like a creepy old man, and depending on the reason something is turned away, you could possibly be insulting God. Don’t ever begrudge something like that of someone.

That especially is not to be coveted, because you are not one to judge what people do or do not deserve outside of a story, which that movie is, even if it portrays an interpretation of true events. I don’t care to know private details of anyone’s life, nor anything that is not my business, nor should you, but the main difference between the way he helps people in that movie is that he is personally helping them. There is no pretense of delusion about his role that he is trying to cause other people to believe for his own vanity. Whatever he believes in his mind is his own business and I don’t care, but he is definitely not using smoke and mirrors and calling himself god in relation to the people who he can help whether they can hear him or not.

If any people want to intervene in a person’s life and help them, do so personally. Present yourself, tell them your name, tell them what you saw that you think you can help with, and ask them for their permission to allow your help. Do not ever assume you know a person’s life better than they do by thinking you know what they need unless they tell you, especially if you are just some creep who stalks and spies on people in secret, rejecting your own humanity and denying others theirs.

This problem is infinitly worse because the USA has granted national approval and military protection of those people to do that to citizens in our own national borders. They are a foreign nation with a theocratic government, and they are using modern information technology and electronic equipment to do what previous generations who made such a Holocaust provoking error have not ever been able to do.

A man like me, who has suffered that, is then provoked to do what men like me have never been able to do, using the modern tools and resources I have in the rightful way they were created for. This is an apocalypse like never has happened, and you are a fool if you think you know what to expect, what has been done to cause it, and what you need to do. Just put your best foot forward and keep going the way you know you ought like you are a little kid at the grown up’s special event and don’t want to get punished for bad behavior when you are told to do something, like set the table, bring out tea, or whatever. If you have been given a job, you ought to do it, because you would not have been given that job if you were not able to do it. This is not an evil home.

This is the good master’s home wherever you are, because the grown ups are gods and goddesses visiting God’s house where you live by birth or adoption, and all the human beings are the little kids in this metaphor. Not a single one of us is a divine being or “grown up” as we live and breath with mortality. Metaphor. Do not overthink this tool to help everyone understand, not just you. You are the child and the grown ups are doing something that is none of your business, you don’t understand the fullness of, and you most likely would not want to be troubled with. Some people, like the Pope, are like children who are devoted to the role they will do some day and they sit in their assigned place and pay attention, keep track of what is happening, and do their best to keep up until the time comes that they are the grown up and no longer enjoying the mortality of youth.

They may even be called on to share their opinion and demonstrate their significance to the others as an honor they are blessed with by opportunity. Unless you do something terribly wrong and out of place to offend everyone, you likely won’t be punished for an incorrect response. But if you are the president of the USA and you commit treason, trying to usurp the authority of the USA government to become a dictator when you are sworn to protect democracy and freedom… you are going to be punished severely for that mistake to ensure you know the gravity of such an error as it affects others more than yourself. You will be reprimanded before everyone, beaten possibly, and then dismissed, because that is how we respond to those threats in the USA.

Me? Who am I to you since I am a kid in the good master’s house also? I am your neighbor and hopefully friend who was invited over along with other neighbors who are children of the gods and goddesses, or maybe I am a friend of a friend who was brought uninvited by someone the good master trusts and approved to join your company. People like us do not live here naturally and are not adopted to live here, but we know what we ought to do no matter where we are when we see something that is intolerable and evil happening to put everyone in danger. You kids are acting like you are the grown ups to me, and I am your uninvited guest. The good master is not going to be happy with that behavior, because he knows what I know about where I come from and who I am, including what kind of person I am whether you believe me or not.

I won’t allow such spoiled, rotten, misbehaved bastard children to insult me and bully me like that, and especially not when there is great evil that is putting everyone’s lives in danger, children and grown up. I don’t care what you think your pappa is going to do when he sees I whooped your ass, gave you two black eyes, a broken nose, and knocked out a front tooth. I don’t think he will be pleased to know you put up such a fight and didn’t even scratch me, especially when you shouldn’t have been bullying me or my new girlfriend when she stood up for me. Tell him what you will. I have more important news that you are obstructing him from knowing because you are covetous of my dignity and honor. Find your own, I know the good master here has honor and dignity to spare his own children.

It’s kind of a long fight, but this is the kind of thing I am talking about. Maybe you think it is a small thing, but it is a big problem for me.

the video summary:

It just doesn't seem right. I don't know... I didn't even get to do the last hit and then... that death animation was such... nothing. Every other boss had a kill scene... not that one and it just died. Does anyone else get this experience from video games now? It's new to me and I don't like it. Honestly, I lost all enjoyment I might have had playing that game and don't want to play it anymore :( Can I get a refund? No. Can I report the people responsible for that toxic gameplay? No. All I can do is be bored without a game to play. Why is any human being in all of time and space allowed to do something like that as their job? Can we make a law against that kind of thing? It seems like the most inappropriately wrong kind of abuse of situational power that could ever happen. I can't even reload that fight and hopefully see the kill scene. Its gone. I have to put hours back into my meticulous and thorough gameplay if I want to see it, but there is no point anymore. That game is no longer fun. It is an insult that I don't enjoy, do not find amusing, and am not going to spare patience for.

I get very depressed about that kind of stuff, suicidally depressed. What makes me feel better is taking down real life boss monsters like Taylor Swift. Hell yeah. Off with that bitch’s head and let’s get a kill scene in real life to make up for what was stolen out of my video game experience in the privacy of my own home.

She’s not doing anything good or helpful, is making billions of lives worse, and killing her will make the world a better place since she is an American. That is a boss monster, and I want some boss loot, you know? Let’s raid kill that whorecunt.

I don’t have a dead girlfriend I want to resurrect, but I’m gonna go kill me some colossus anyway, because fuck this world. I need to kill something and I don’t know what it is about those giant fuckers, but they need to die.

You who think you have a right to "punish" me

Who the fuck do you think you are to me to be in any position to punish me? You would make the mistake of insulting a man by punishing him for his behavior like he is a child and you are his father or mother?

The very notion is upsetting to think about, and I intend to make you pay the consequences for that mistake, because I am greater than my father and my mother both, and they have no authority over me. None at all. You couldn’t be in a worse position for yourself thinking you could manipulate my life or do anything to me as though you were a parent.

However, you want me to ask my parents for help, well, that’s you in this delusional fantasy of yours isn’t it? You are the one trying to punish me for behavior you find disagreeable even though you never met me, don’t know me, nor know better than me. I posted it a while back saying, “Can you spare a million dollars?” That’s you. Give me money.

How could I ask people who are beneath my dignity for help? They cannot possibly help me. They would only cause me further injury, make my life worse, and compound my problems. They are my enemies, hostile to my well being, and I wouldn’t trust them for anything, especially not for any sort of assistance. That’s pretty much the same way I feel about you in the government pretending to be some sort of parent to me, or you who the government sold me like a slave to, which is the same thing as far as I’m concerned because that is not something that washes off one’s hands.

I’d rather ask the beggars on the street, who are equal in dignity for help, but what could they do in a situation like this? They have more than enough problems as it is. How can I ask a bank for help when you have to already be rich to be able to borrow money at all? It’s not even about lending money to people anymore, it’s a scheme for rich people to collect interest. Ask rich people for help? I tried. Nobody responds to me. Maybe it’s because of this social blockade you have around my life, making you entirely responsible for my problems and my care. So, what the fuck are you waiting for?

If you think you can punish me, why can you not provide for my basic needs? Why can you not do anything a parent or teacher does? Why do you provide no socialization, no human compassion, no friendship, nothing at all. You simply punish me for reasons I can only guess at which is no punishment. That is bullying, torture, and abuse.

I am not so helpless as you may think. I am not so weak as a child. I am not so subject to your authority as you would like to believe. The greatest pain is separation from the divine, and that is what I have done to you between me because you are a leech who contributes nothing divine through that bond and I don’t need you. I am not your God, and you are most certainly not God because you are a leech. I have a bond with the true source, and you attempting to make one like that with me is an attempt to remove the one I already have. You will not enjoy the benefits of that through me as the enemy and adversary you are. I immediately severed that possibility between whoever you are and whoever I am before you could even try to do something like that, just as I severed that possibility between my biological parents. So, if you thought you were getting some kind of divine feedback, you are mistaken, and since you have been behaving as though you have been getting feedback, you are likely going to start experiencing the consequences of all of your mistakes starting from the beginning relatively soon.

It is interesting for me to ponder now that I think about that. It’s kind of difficult to explain but it’s like the very concepts of “mother” and “father” or parents in general were what I severed from my personal divine source of self-identity in my neurocognitive network of concepts and thoughts. Not just the people, but the very concept of a mother or father is something I will never trust. I find the very concept of people walking about as parents as though they deserve respect or “mother’s day” and “father’s day” to be horrid abominations I can barely stand to suffer in public without causing a scene expressing my hatred instead.

Seriously. Circumcision. Case and point. I will never trust parents nor should you. They do not love you, they do not want to help you, and they are not doing anything good for you. Cut them off from your life just to be safe, at least until an age comes when parents and old people are no longer a threat to our lives and future.

Like I write elsewhere: I have no interest becoming a parent or having children. None. Zero. Zilch. I actually feel morally superior for that too because the reason is that I would not curse a human being to be alive in this time, in this nation, and on Earth with other people the way they are. I would not bring a person into existence just so they could suffer, be oppressed, be miserable, and have no hope of enjoying even the smallest goods of life, like entertaining media, because that just isn’t possible anymore. Even if there is a worthy work, the enjoyment is impossible because of the global and international injustice that ruins all enjoyment for everyone.

If you people at fault were having any fun, why do you covet my fun?

I very much want to commit suicide, but it’s difficult to arrange that. I explained this elsewhere. It’s not because I hate myself, or decisions I’ve made, or anything to do with me, more so the unpleasant, boring, and mean-spirited world of evil that amplifies my depression and is not even worth the time to even fight except as personal exercise to divert my attention and prevent boredom. Kind of like physical fitness for enjoyment, except whatever. Who cares. Nobody who matters to me even sees this stuff. It’s all devoured by my most hated enemies, people I have no respect for, and people whose opinion I care least of all about. However, I’ve always had good old Tom Riddle’s journal as my companion, and that’s still working even now.

Part of why I fight is also to provoke them to kill me, because that is easier than killing myself. In the good old days we could do that and get crucified or put in a coliseum to fight to the death, but… all the good stuff has been banned by pussies and assholes who want to control every aspect of everyone’s lives and then ruin them with shit so they can laugh at how upset people become when that happens.

Seriously. I’m not an advocate of violence as the answer, but that’s why they conspired to drive people toward killing each other as a means of controlling their lives. Whatever, I’ll fuel the flame too so war and killing can start again because that’s more fun and more likely to get me killed than anything else as far as I know. It’s also the only answer right now because the tyrants are unreasonable, uncivilized brutes who only understand violence as a means of communication. The question is, who is going to strike the sparks, because I’m preoccupied with fuel at the moment.

Bullying

Let me ask you something, and I hope it cuts you deep when you realize why I am asking you this question:

When the authorities realize that there is a problem with bullying, how long has that bullying been a problem before it was recognized by the people whose job it is to see it? Or by the people who actually care about the person being hurt?

How many times has bullying happened only to be discovered too late?

Do you think bullying is such a problem because it is obviously occurring?

Bullies are such horrible, vile, and monstrous people because they do the most cruel and torturous acts and get away with it without teachers, police, or anybody noticing.

I have been trying to tell you that cyberbullies have been targeting me for a long time, and all you did was laugh along with them.

There will come a time when you realize what has been happening that you did not want to see, and you will never be able to forgive yourselves because I won’t forgive you.

This is not schoolyard bullying… this is cyberterrorism using military grade technology to harass, stalk, and interupt my life in all aspects technology can penetrate.

What the fuck is the Space Force suppose to do? Isn’t that their domain? It feels to me like they are the bullies, but I don’t who is responsible because it happens anonymously through technology. There are supposed to be professionals who are experts in cybersecurity who know how to deal with that type of thing, aren’t there!? WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?

I am only one man, and I am a theologian and author. I am not a hacker, technical spider, or computer geek. I am reader, a book lover, and a pilgrim. Do not expect God to intervene for me when you know such a thing is impossible. That is not how faith works because God is not a person.

Real life is not a video game. I cannot pull out a talisman and start casting miracles like this is Demon’s Souls. Do you know how God is revealed to intervene? By the revelation of law as a knowable truth. That revelation is the intervention of God, and people have to do the work because God does not reveal his existence just so people can sit on their ass and be lazy, wasting their entire lives by being an obstacle and burden instead of any use for God’s work at all.