What is evil about it?

You people who judge me for how I experience sexuality have no idea what you are talking about.

How I enjoy my body, my life, my existence in the privacy of my home is none of your concern. Those matters are far more complicated than you can possibly understand to be able to judge, but I do know that my sexual pleasure, and seduction of maidens is not evil.

There is nothing evil about that. Why would you say that is!?

That is one of the best parts of being alive, and yet you think it is evil? Why? I certainly don’t feel any guilt for doing what I do sexually, and have no more shame than is normal as a concern for reasonable discretion.

I do not like how so many people are quick to make judgments about a person’s sexual life and character without ever taking the time to meet them, get to know them, and creating the kind of trusting relationship that is required to be able to know those things. It’s ridiculous how quick you people are to gossip!

Stop it!

If you are concerned about my sexuality then bring yourself to my door and be fucked, because I see no other reason why you would care about anyone’s sex life unless you wanted a part in it. I am very casual about it, but I am not a whore, nor am I manipulative. I don’t have any inhibitions, but I also don’t go out seeking extreme things just to entertain myself.

Honestly. If you want to jump into my sex life without being a romantic partner, be my guest. I will be happy to be your pleasure, no strings attached. I don’t care what you look like, what you want, how old you are, what gender you are, or any of that. I see every legal option as a possibility. That doesn’t mean I am going to jump for you immediately, but if you are persistent, you will most likely get me naked for some adult fun without much work.

For the very reason why you people are so terrified of me, is why I am not aggressive like that. It doesn’t seem right to me to be trying to push myself onto others, and I do not do it. Unless we are already in a special relationship I’m most likely not even going to ever make moves like that. I’m not a misguided teenager anymore learning about sex with trial and error.

I have a handle on my sexuality, am secure in my masculinity, and mature about the concerns I expect other people have too. Sex for me is not like a casual online video game, or normal social situation for me, where I can be volatile, inconsistent, and short tempered just because I don’t particularly care about most things enough to need to be serious about them. That is the child form of me, but if my adult self is required, you are going to be with a totally different man.

Sex, love, war, and religion are adult matters for me. I do not mess around with those as though I don’t care about who I hurt, what the lines are, and what my wants and needs are and how they relate to everyone else. Those concerns… are always life and death, and even if I may be nonchalant at times when confronting the most high stress, life or death situations, that doesn’t mean that I am not 100 percent invested and committed to the goal. The smallest mistakes in those domains can have devastating consequences.

Sex is least important of a concern here, but it is inseperably relevant and vital to true love even if it sex is being dismissed. For it to be dismissed with the respect of true love, it needs to be acknowledged as important enough to require dismissal. Thus I respect it as much as I respect love, but I do not think about them the same way.

It is like the Jews. I reject them, hate them, dismiss them, and am entirely anti-semitic, but I would not be that way if I did not respect their spiritual beliefs as equally important to them as mine are to me. It may seem like disrespect, and in a way it is, but I am at least acknowledging them as significant enough to be hated, and that is saying something. I didn’t acknowledge their claims and believe in what they do to a limited extent, I wouldn’t say anything about them.

So when it comes to matters of love, I look down on sex and reject it as a problem that interferes with my experience of love. That is my experience in life. I have had plenty of sexual intercourse with different women, sometimes successful, sometimes failing, and can say one thing that is certain: sex has been a problem that prevents a deeper relationship with another person because it so easily can carry people away as more important to us than it really is.

So… I want to know what kind of relationship we are going toward when we start, and if that isn’t clear, you are not ready for me. You still need to mature. When discussing the Jews, are we discussing the theology of their doctrine, or the existence of their “ethnicity”? Frankly, I don’t give a damn about their ethnicity. That is not important to me at all. Totally insignificant and as irrelevant to me as being Black is for Black people.

Whatever. Cool. If you aren’t trying to live intimately with me, that shouldn’t ever be a problem. However… for Jews, the religous concepts and the “ethnic” concepts are inseperable. Rejecting their religion means also rejecting their ethnicity because religion is a greater authority than any ethnic group authority is. Problem solved if you’d just listen to what I recommend, but… forget it.

Sex and love can be separated in terms of social relationship goals, but at the same time, they are not separated because sexual expression no matter when, how, or with who, is in fact the business of your spouse, even if you haven’t met. I am far from pure, therefore I do not require purity or particularly want it because I don’t think I deserve something like that because I never considered that important while growing up.

So… porn stars, former prostitutes, and anyone else who has the most wild sexual history with countless partners, is totally okay with me. I am nowhere near like that, but… my lifestyle is close enough to be basically the same with what I am willing to do without guilt, whether I’ve done it or not. Besides, there are no people, nor have there been who are committed to making me commit to them and swearing my loyalty through marriage, so I don’t worry about it. Just like I always have done.

I have studied the Christian theology on the subject, but do you know what? I started my own religion because Christianity is inadequate for me, therefor its moral prohibitions are meaningless because the entire religion is morally inferior to what I have discovered about divinity and Story as a practice of spiritual faith. Did that knowledge exist previously? Not that I am aware of, because it is not out there to be learned from anyone I have found… so I am pretty sure that makes those universal facts of reality that apply to everyone with virtually infinite possibilities of application, my personal discovery, but if that is not the case, please tell me because I’m sure we can learn from each other.

So, there is quite literally no reason for me to think about sex as a “sin” and I do not feel like I am doing anything wrong. If you want to maintain purity, go right ahead, because that is a lifestyle choice and should be respected, just as most forms of love should be respected. If we are talking about sexual relationships not about love, then that is different. It is unusual to be totally sexually uninhibited like myself or many adult film actresses, so do not try to meet our standards, and if you have an opinion, feel free to express it out in the open no matter how rude or offensive it may be. That’s life, deal with it. Better that than violence, no?

The essence of the topic is that even though sexuality or sexual expression is not a moral sin or indication of evil, it is still embarassing and awkward. It is like that not because it is wrong, but because it is good.

Sexuality only becomes a sin, the same way something like gambling becomes a sin. What makes it a sin is not the sex or the gambling, but the priority it has in your life. If it is prioritized higher than more important concerns such as love, family, friendship, and responsibility, then you are causing an offense against the divine—- “God” so to speak, and that is what makes it a sin. The sinner needs to address the problem they are sinning with, but that is a personal struggle they should ask for help with because I know first hand how difficult addiction can be, and it is too much to resolve on your own. Don’t even try.

If you recognize you have an addiction and it is becoming a problem, or “sin”, tell someone and ask for help in the form of encouragement to overcome it, because that is what people need most for those problems. That is not asking a lot. Some people may be more involved than others, but just maintaining a sense of encouragement within their thoughts without having to think about it, makes a difference. Believe in each other, especially when people ask for your help when they are struggling with something. That is the power of faith working through you from the external source of power of truth and divinity that is greater than everything else. If you are doing it, you will know the divine presence moving through you because it is unmistakably good in every way, simple to do, and never a problem.

For those of us with addictions… we cannot change that about ourselves. We accept we have a problem, learn to love ourselves even with that problem, and respect ourselves more than our desires by not letting our addictions get out of line. I don’t know what it is, but getting high is something I am terribly addicted to… I think it is because of how much I hate living in this world and want to leave it by any means necessary and as soon as possible. Getting high is an escape like that, but… drugs have messed up my life more than enough times for me to recognize them as a problem with how disconnected and antisocial I can become.

That is not something I want to happen, and my immediate desires are not as important as my lifelong desire to have meaningful and loving relationships. So… living in this hateful, evil, and miserable world and being tormented and terrorized by cyber bullying every god damn moment of life isn’t going to change. Those are external factors I have to accept because I have no control over what other people do, especially not when there are no laws being enforced in my government. I cannot make a complaint to the justice system and be helped because it is a no-shit presidential order to have someone make my life as miserable as possible. I do not know why, I do not care, I just want it to stop.

In any case, I still want to escape and leave this wretched world behind, where I have no ties that bind me: no friends, family, nation, co-workers, or relationships of any sort that even think of me as a human being or respect my human rights. They all suddenly turned one me all at once because of some fucked up lie about me being a terrorist that people would rather believe than the truth. You are part of the government as a citizen, if you are one, and if you are doing nothing to help me or people like me, you are helping the enemy. In case you didn’t realize: there is a war being fought over this issue, and they infiltrated our own government who all just rolled over like submissive slaves and let it happen. How I wonder? Probably a long term conspiracy to get a bunch of plants tin office and then have them all betray everyone all at once.

Right— no adults care about that except me for some reason, so to hell with them. They can have the world the way they want and if there is nothing I can do to get them to see reason, then, well… realistically there is nothing I can do to change that if my writing fails, so I just suffer it and wait until I die or it ends. Except… I cannot do that anymore because they are so invasive in my life trying to ruin things for me that I have no choice but to be militant in response.

Sorry… I cannot just abide peacefully under such inhumane conditions of abuse. I deserve better than that, and I am fighting back. I don’t know how but it’s like asking for help with addicition, except I am asking the divine for help, and the highest divine believes in me as able to overcome this monstrous tyranny. That is enough for me to keep struggling and fighting every single day. The highest divine— “God” as many people know the term to mean— cannot solve this problem for me. I have to fight and destroy my enemies myself, but with God believing in me as able to do that, and fully invested in my person because of how personally concerned all divinity is by the offense being committed against me as an individual, I know I can and I will.

So… I write things like this and it is a battle to live my life the way I want. They call me evil, I rebuke them with words, reasons, examples, and truth and like a master swordsman cutting my way through a crowd of enemies, my writing fights for every inch of ground day after day after day, and I never give any back. There may be no human beings with dignity, heart, or faith at all anymore, no human beings with any common sense or ability to see reason, no human beings with even the tiniest bit of courage to stand up for justice… but I will do it alone if I have to.

As much as the cyberbullies pester me in their typical pathetic and cowardly ways, as much as the crowds of onlookers stare at me like a circus freak, and as much I am mocked and insulted with inappropriate judgements, it makes no difference to me. Do you know why? I do not need your help to save myself and win this war, but if you want to be saved as well, then I do in fact need your help. You are too selfish, hateful, and afraid to even encourage me with your thoughts and you want me to save you as well as the world? No. I condemn you for your apathy. You will not be saved.

You are part of the problem, and when my enemies are crushed and defeated, dying at my feet, you will be among them, men, women, and children all dead the same. Then, everyone else in the world will see how easily I rendered a world superpower impotent and defeated it alone, and they will do the smart thing and not fight me. They will pick up the pieces and bury you all in a mass grave to be forgotten.

So… sucks to be you, but that’s your fault.

Anyway, I don’t feel guilty about sexual activity because of how I respect both sex and love and never betray them. If I am not worried about my sexuality, there is no reason why you should be.