I made it a long time ago.

This is for the stupid whore, Emily Kinney.

“Did you do what you said a man like you has to do? Go out into the world and make it on his own as a man standing on his own two feet?”

Obviously.

What the fuck do you think I’m doing now?

I was out on my own in the world standing on my own two feet living for myself and everyone without the support or dependency of a child long ago.

Here is what makes you stupid: you think I want what you want. You think I want what all those rich boys you let fuck you have with the rich people stuff of a celebrity, because you think I am an artist like any of them. That is how you have never seen me, because you look at me like that and do not realize that I am so different from them it is offensively insulting to even be compared to them.

Let me put in perspective for you: First think about how comfortable the rich life makes you feel, with all the privilege, pampering, attendants, and people caring about all your needs to make sure you never slip, make a mistake, or are inconvenienced. Then imagine what it is like to be poor without any of that in poverty, living paycheck to paycheck, like all the poor people you couldn’t stomach being yourself because of how miserable it looks to be poor.

Okay, now reverse that, because that is what rich people life looks like to me.

I see how your freedom is limited because of all that you have to do to maintain money, social connections, jobs, stay professionally affluent with all the nuances of popular culture. All that bull shit is time and energy you have to spend doing stuff that is not your free time. That is poverty to me that I cannot stomach living with and why I will never sell out or go where you people are.

I turn my nose up at your rich person, Hollywood celebrity way of life, because that honestly seems like more poverty than not having enough money to pay the bills, not knowing how you will pay next month’s rent. I do not have enough money to pay the bills and don’t know how I will pay rent after this next payment, but every minute of every day is mine. Nobody tells me what to do, expects me to do anything, and I have no obligations, except the most basic requirements of a citizen to meet the needs of popular culture—like paying taxes once a year and occasionally having a health appointment.

I don’t wake up to an alarm, I don’t have appointments, I don’t have job responsibilities, I don’t have deadlines, I don’t have a boss, I don’t have employees, I don’t have anything that I have to do for other people at all. I am totally free from other people’s needs. That affords me the time to actually be helpful to them, and their pets, and do what it is I have done with my life for them— not because I had an obligation, but because I wanted to do something for other people. That was not assigned, there was no requirement to do anything, there were no check boxes to meet, or anyone’s approval or permission required. I simply did something that would help, and there is nothing they could have done to stop me.

That is living like a king, I tell you what.

Now… I shall reveal unto you the greatest pleasure of a king as I recently discovered:

Soaking in a hot tub for hours on end every day with nothing in the world you have to do that would make you get out before you wanted. I tell you what, that right there is a lot better than I ever expected, because I ain’t been one for baths until only recently, but lo and behold— I’ve taken a shine to a good ol’ hot soak. Luckily enough, I got one of them traditional beast feet tubs, and I think that makes it a bit better too.

I’ll give you another tip. The only problem I run into with that is that the water cools off and I want it to stay piping hot without needing to add more hot water. Easily resolved: get yourself one of them submersible heating elements to stick in there and plug in. Just be careful cause it says you aren’t supposed to do that since it can burn you if you touch it, but who are we kidding? That’s probably what the damn thing was made for!

So, I have discovered it. The secret to heaven on earth. That’s it right there. Having all the time in the world to lounge care free in a tub knowing you give everything you have every day to do what you can to make the world a better place and live your dreams, whether it works or not. I put on some music, Siri helps pick what to listen to sometimes, and if I’m feeling up to it, I down a few adult beverages to relax even more.

Now rich people: what is the likelihood that anytime you want to run a hot bath and soak blissfully in peace for 1-4 hours or more or less as you desire, and not have anywhere to be, anyone to answer, anything to do, or anything to worry about?

How wealthy are you compared to me, the poor man?

How much good have you done with your life compared to how much good this document does?

I wonder what the payout will be when it’s time to cash out on these chips…

So, Ms. Kinney? Do you not like being called a whore by me? Maybe you ought to stop trying to look for me in every other guy out there and anywhere other than where I am in plain sight with no frills or strings attached, and in no way hiding anything about myself.

Why do you even care to think about that question at the beginning? Do you think you will find any answers about who I am and what I can do for your happiness if you never meet me in person? It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do, so I may as well entertain your company if you wanted to stop by for a visit to see what I’m about.

You do not have to use any pro forma social routine with me, so I don’t get why any of you are having such a hard time figuring out how to live with me as a neighbor, and not even in your neck of the woods! Ain’t nobody ever teach you how to knock on someone’s door?

How do you think it feels have all you people talk about me, do things about me, and gossip about me with rumor and hearsay? From what I understand about you maidens, you hate that more than anything when other girls are doing that to you, but it’s also something guys don’t have to deal with normally. It’s just— a cultural/social difference concerning gender identity. Idk… I had never had a problem like that before you folk started getting into my business without ever approaching me politely to ask. Now though… holy fucking hell I cannot imagine how such a situation could be worse for a person. I don’t know how it is for girls, but I haven’t been thankful or glad that’s been happening for a single moment since that started.

I will be thankful when you stop and start behaving like decent folk who know better. How easy is it for you girls to get someone to help you with a problem… “excuse me mister, can you help me open this here jar? Help me carry this? Open that door? Explain this to me? Help me by laying your coat down in the mud so I don’t have to dirty my special shoes?” Not to mention the way y’all cooperate and conspire together in your knitting circles or whatever it is you do now.

The only way I think it could be better, but this is a bit excessive in my opinion and not worth the trouble or space it would take up in the bathroom: have a second tub right next to the soapy one, that way I could just drop myself over the side on into it with an expertly lazy roll and be rinsed. However… let’s not go that far. I think that would be too much. I’ll just pull the dang valve plunger and turn the shower on instead of living with two bath tubs in the same bathroom. However, if I had a lovely maiden as my Princess Panty Pie who wanted her own bath, then I suppose I could abide another tub in the bathroom.