I don't care if you think of me as a dog except--

Do not think of that as a means of insult, disrespect, or means of humiliating me. The best dogs have a dignity on par with human beings, but all of them have their own dignity on an animal tier beneath human. So, if you will call a man a dog, do not insult dogs who are good by trying to tear the man down. Dogs should all aspire to be as good as they can, and that should not appear like a bad thing.

So... by royal decree with the divine authority most high invested in me by none other than the highest divine source itself beyond person, being, and comprehension, I issue forth this guidance: If you will think of a man as a dog, then either do so as if he were the Dog Prince, who is respected among the entire animal kingdom with legendary status for what he did to bring peace in a time of conflict with his humble and sensible wisdom that was both simple and ingenious, or as a Cerberus tier dog, which is epic, dangerous, not evil, but is in service of the Devil at the gates of Hell for a very important reason. You do not want to mess with dogs like that. The first will cause you immense disgrace when people realize you are insulting a beloved universal idol, and the second will get not only your body mauled, but your soul as well. Sometimes people have a way with those kind of dogs, like Atreus did with the Norse version in the latest God of War game, but chances are they do not want to be disturbed by you. As long as you abide by those two standards, you won't offend the divine nature of a man with your spiritual projection about what kind of person he is.

Snoop Dogg and Mike Tyson. Nice Nick, and War Face Nick. Everyone knows that human beings are animals too, but that is not an excuse to forget that we are humans first. There is nothing to be ashamed of by playing like an animal, but make sure you set a boundary to make sure your playtime doesn't cause real world problems for you or others. If you go out and play with all the neighbor's kids in the vacant lot, do not cause each other problems that will follow them home. If you do, someone's mom or dad is going to be furious about what happened, and the next thing you know they'll be calling up all the parents and everyone is going to have to do something about it with their own kid. Chances are you kids don't want us grown ups to know what you are doing when go outside and play with the other kids, and likewise, we adults do not want to know what you are doing, as long as we know you are staying within the acceptable limits of what you know you shouldn't be doing.

Let me explain it as I see it, being a grown up in the neighborhood without any children who was left out of the conversation when someone brought a problem home. Next thing you know they are witch hunting me like I was the one who caused it, but bill goats like me ain't gonna be taking none of that gruff. I know how that got where it did and why and some of the kids are trying to cover up something they did by blaming me. I've been looking for that, because it turned up missing, meaning it was stolen like Annabelle, the cursed doll who stays in the glass case in the basement and is never allowed out. Of course I don't have children over at my place! I know what you adults would think, and I do not want you even suspecting me of such a thing. If they end up in my home for whatever reason and I give them some sort of help, I'm going to ensure their parents know where they were without telling them too much about what isn't my business. That's what I mean. Kids have their own little world with all manner of schemes, lies, and illusions just like the adults do, and grown ups are too big to go into that world even if they wanted to. The door is small, and adults are big, so unless you know a strange rabbit who can brew you a mini-size potion, you aren't going to find it comfortable to play those games, and if you did, you'd be in danger of having your head chopped by the imagination of children which is far less tame and innocent than most people want to believe. All because of some made up rule you were never told about.

What I'm saying is, the kids world is 9/10 times more trouble than it is worth for a grown up to visit, not only because of the rules and ways being totally different than the adult world and always changing on the darndest whims of a child's fancy without real life consequences to suffer for contradictions, but you likely have adult matters in the grown up world to attend to and being in the kid's world is going to put those matters in danger because of the suspicion you will arouse. Also, that part of their imagination and fantastic whims being safe without real life consequences is what makes the kids world so much fun for kids, whereas the adult world is boring, dull, and they don't want to be there either.

Now here is the big secret that the adults are hiding from you kids: In the adult world, within the boring grown up reality which is in fact boring for us too, there is another world that happens where it cannot be seen. It is the World of Darkness, and it is not so innocent as sexy fun play time, but there is a lot of that going on there, which I'm sure is no surprise to you youngsters. That is a place you do not want to go as a child, and you need to take the word of adults like me who tell you that. Once you enter that world, you don't leave, and your life as a child will be over. You'll need to concern yourself with adult matters, if only a few of them that pertain to you, and there is no need for you to do that early. If you want to go there someday, you'll find your own way in time, but enjoy being an innocent little child while you can. Once that is over, it's over, and if you try to bring the adult treasure of the World of Darkness into the children's world where other kid are, that's how people get hurt and the worst crimes happen that you would never have meant to occur.

Your little jokes and pranks, become real life torture and people die. When people die, the authorities want to know what happened, and we come from all types, and you will be found out one way or another, just like adults are, except faster because you won't be able to use adult knowledge to conceal yourself. You'll end up in Juvy, or will have a horrible scar in your memory that you wish you can forget, but never will be able to. Normal kids stuff all washes away with water, but the World of Darkness can leave permanent marks on a person that will go with them into the afterlife.

So that's another reason why we don't want to know what you are doing. The more we know, the more we will be involved, even if only indirectly, and that will put you at risk from the World of Darkness getting into the kids world of Candyland and Ice Cream Kingdom, which could be dangerous to children in ways you can't anticipate to prevent. None of the adult world wants the kids to get hurt with adult business, regardless of what we may think about other adults, not only to protect ourselves from the law enforcement, but because we actually do care about the well being of all children. It's true. That's no reason to be overly trusting of adults but you shouldn't fear that adults are going to let you get hurt if they can otherwise prevent that, and if they do, they will be held responsible as appropriate.

The other reason is less practical and much more mysterious as a mystical power. As I mentioned about the adult's secret world having a lot of a certain kind of activity, kids do something similar without it being dirty like adults are. They are pure, non-nasty, not at all the same kind of activity, but it is a similar kind of energy in the purest form that adults know as the "teenage dream". It's not easy to preserve the purity of that goodness as good the older you get, but if you do by being a good person and trying your best to be your best self, then when you are adults, that is what I call Honey Yum Yum. It is the best of all goods that both kids and adults love, and that is what separates the best artists from the almost the best. That cannot be faked, manufactured, stolen, or otherwise be created as your own goodness no matter what. You have to actually have walked the walk of true love for your entire life and will not ever change no matter what. That is not so easy and you should not be ashamed if you don't. The way of true love is notoriously painful, lonely, and with immense suffering and tragedy. It does not always go the way people want.

Imagine Jesus' story. That's what can happen, and to his credit, regardless of how you feel about Jewish culture, he did not abandon the way of true love, even when he was being crucified. That's hardcore, but if you've ever tasted the nectar of Honey Yum Yum that is your own, there is nothing that could cause you to give that up. It is that good. It is like experiencing the highest divine itself as the most amazing perfect and fleeting experience of pure joy and goodness, and ever after you never doubt the power of faith because you experienced divine reality first hand privately "with your own eyes" so to speak.

So as for what the kids world is like compared to the adult world is like... it's slimy, gooey, and icky. It is gross and gets everywhere, and you need to wash your clothes after. Adults with wisdom, experience, and a talent working with children, have a way with dealing with all that slime without it touching them or getting anywhere they don't want. That's why grandparents, elders, and teachers are often able to interact in the kids world in all manner of ways, sometimes only partly and sometimes all the way present as a special guest playing a specific role or something like that. Spiritual leaders and workers are often skilled with that as well, because when we work our medicine to heal the spiritual sickness of adults, we also encounter that slimy, sticky goo and have to deal with it. That's also why most adults fear us and avoid us.

Being around us is like having Slimer the ghost included in the company even though not invited. He just floats around eating, sliming, and doing whatever, and there isn't much that can be done to stop him. If you aren't paying attention, you could get slimed by Slimer and end up looking like Bill Murray did in Ghostbusters 2. It doesn't matter whether you are an adult or kid, being covered in slime is not a good look-- unless you are on Nickelodeon, of course. That's the planet where I was hatched and how I got my name. Being slimed is all the rage there no matter who you are, and there are special rules for how it happens too, sometimes as a reward, sometimes as a consequence. Your prize for winning is... slime! Oooh, tough luck, you lost. Here comes the slime.

So... this all had something to do with something and I hope you learned what that was, because I forgot. I guess that means I gave you the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me Gob, Divine Slime Incarnate. Eww. Gross. Yuck. Now, feel to toss a coin in the hat there if you liked my performance, because I'm going on break now and won't be back until the appointed time comes again.