Antrum, I suppose it's true...

So, there is the movie they had on Amazon Prime called Antrum, and supposedly, according to the urban legend, the movie is infamous for killing its viewers. Seriously. There was a whole documentary I didn’t watch before the movie that talked all about the haunted, morbid history of the film’s grisly life since first released in theaters. It was lost for a few decades, and people only talked about it being a movie, but I had never heard of it before (not surprising), and I imagine most people probably didn’t even think it existed if that was the case.

I guess they found it and now are showing it, and that’s what I’m writing about. Someday I’ll get back to watch the documentary they put together with the help of all their cousins and cousins’ friends to talk about the research of the paranormal events and haunted history. It looked interesting, but I wanted to get right to the meat of the matter, so I fast forwarded through until the film started playing, and then backed up a bit where they were talking about how different versions were found with unverified snuff films edited in where people had actually been murdered or something… I’m not sure what they were saying about that, because the film had scenes like that spliced in horrifically out of context from the plot of the movie, but maybe those were supposed to be there and more were added in later… or maybe those were what was unverified… I don’t know. Rather unpleasant to see, even if for a ghastly instant. It sounded like they had the real version, which most certainly would not have had snuff film in it as an official movie. I don’t think any self-respecting movie director of that kind of work of art would include real snuff, but what was shown was real enough to be believable, and I can’t say for certain what that was…

This movie was truly horrifying, and in the most subtle way I think I had ever seen. The terror I felt began almost immediately with the most eerie sensation of energy that opening scene presented. Nothing flashy or spectacular, and the movie was not particularly gory or with vivid scenes of fantasy violence or horror, but something about the sound, the home-movie style filming, and something else that I don’t know how to describe, made me sit up a bit in my seat and realize I was in for the real thing.

Aside from the plot, there was another presence in the movie that I suppose you could say spoke directly to the “fourth wall”, as in directly to the audience. What I mean is, all the extra elements that were spliced in for brief flashes of something that I never could see clear enough to know what I was looking at besides a group of words or a sigil of some sort. Then there was the snuff scenes… I didn’t know if those were going to be incorporated in later as out of place but with a place like in Memento, and I suppose they did, but not in context with the events in the story. In other words, there is a story being told, and another message beyond the story about something far darker and more personally relevant to the viewer by resonating with a level of subconscious knowledge akin to… something on the level of the fundamental personality archetypes. Base human nature before there were words to express ourselves.

Maybe that makes sense. I wasn’t even sure what I saw at first… lovers maybe? Two people barely clothed? I thought about pausing and seeing exactly what it was, but decided to just let it play through. Aside from that, the movie went on without anything particularly shocking with graphic violence or terrifying imagery, but the elements of the plot, what the characters were doing by digging a hole into to the “Antrum” (entrance) of Hell, and the natural setting in the wilderness with small elements of artistic directing here and there that were not attempts at illusion to frighten, but signs of revelation to illuminate the depth of terror that was increasing with each moment. Illuminating, yes, but with darkness, because these signs and symbols suggested a movement of away from divinity with eternal life to nature with mortal death.

I can affirm with my own personal authority as whatever I am, that being the occult way, the Left Hand Path. The Satanic Mystery. Knowing that while going with the characters in the movie added to the terror I was experiencing. That’s the kind of knowledge parents and preachers tell you not to seek and warn you to stay away from, and they are right to do so. Even still, like the kids in the movie, we go there anyway from time to time and for different reasons, and we don’t always come back alive. If we do survive, we also tell you not to go there, and it rarely works anyway, because we gain something from that harrowing journey that makes it seem profitable as only obtainable by the Left-Hand Path, but that is incorrect. That knowledge, power, and self-mastery we return with can be attained any number of ways, by any path, and you do not need to experience the desolation of the abyss to learn it.

There is a reason to go into the abyss, one that is to lose something and gain nothing, and that is for exceptional cases who have a piece of the “abyss” in them already for one reason or another. That kind of darkness should not be in a person naturally and is extremely rare by random chance or fate however you want to look at it when it is. The person with such misfortune is likely unhappy to the point of suicidal despair until they return the darkness to the source from whence it came— not in this world, but in the underworld— in Hell. That is the only way, even if they gained it through no fault of their own, and even if they don’t come back alive. That’s not something you can accidently misstep and just fall into btw, and most people who think they want that are going to turn away to get back where they need to be well before they find themselves anywhere near the mouth of the underworld.

That’s exactly why masters, teachers, and spiritual guides of the occult mysteries are always good to have around in society, and likely won’t be abundant because the demand for that work is small and it doesn’t pay well. If you are a happy go-lucky person, and were blessed with good fortune and better circumstances than most with a decent life, maybe not the best, but certainly not bad— then you likely don’t want to risk losing all of that goodness for no reward. More likely, you want spectacle, excitement, and mystery, and religion can provide that in all sorts of flavors. In those religions there should be an expert in the occult sciences/mystery who will be available, but that is not the kind of work like dentistry is, which everybody wants to done whether they like it or not, even if only once in their life. In a prosperous society most people should feel fortunate, blessed, and with good circumstances they don’t want to lose and they want to cultivate to become better and more blessed as time passes. So, you shouldn’t have to concern yourself with paranoia about occult masters and “dark lords” in your midst, nor do you have to do anything about us. We don’t want you meddling in our lives and are perfectly capable of taking care of our own business, and most likely make our best effort to comply with all social and civil requirements to safely abide by the law. All I’m saying is that if you discover someone is a professional of the occult sciences/mysteries, then do not jump to any conclusions about the kind of person they are. We come in all shapes and sizes like any other kind of professional, and our work is important to everyone, but most important to people who cannot be helped by anyone else.

Watching that movie evokes the power of that work being done, and I suppose that alone may cause a person to die, because that is the very same power of God except… pure darkness. It’s not something you can control, contain, master, or use and when it works… there is little you can do besides tumble into the rabbit hole and try to not break your neck. I want to say you don’t need to worry… but that’s what I believe was provoking my sense of terror while watching the movie, and if that is the case, then you certainly can be affected by that in ways you do not realize. You could initiate a process of change that when it is over you would say was death itself, because of all you lost in the world, and of your own sense of self, but that’s not guaranteed to happen and if I had to guess would only happen to people who misplace their concept of “God/Christ”. That’s what I see as the general “danger”, but that’s not all that’s there and anything can pull you in or go out with you that you may not expect or notice. If that’s happening and you don’t want it to, go see a priest or preacher and have an exorcism done. They will be able to help you, or a similar kind of professional.

There is a particular scene that I expect would be most horrific to the general public relevant to the danger. When a child is taught about magic with a playful and innocent intention, experiences the power of truth that makes magic real, and then applies that in a situation that is far more dangerous than an innocent game. I believe this is relevant to my personal experience, not because I was playing with magi, but because I answered children who were playing with magic, and they have not yet begun to realize what they have lost. I realize they were “playing”, but they did not realize how inappropriate that kind of “play” is, and what kind of harm it causes, and although my reaction was immediate, the consequences could have been minimized immediately, but have long since drawn on despite how much I have attempted to reason with them, ask them to stop, and convince them of the danger they were in. Honestly, I’m not going to feel bad when they get what’s coming to them, but I’m also not going to gloat over their suffering or make it worse. I doubt they could be trusted to do the same if the situation was reversed.

In any case, it was around that time in the movie, when the terror reached its peak and I very nearly turned off the film. I did not want to see what was going to happen, did not even want to risk seeing it, and was truly unnerved. That’s just me though. A lot of people may have more fortitude with movies like that, but I think that’s kind of a sensitive subject for me considering what I’ve recently been through. However, I didn’t turn it off. I wanted to see it through because the movie was a work of art, and the creators deserved that much from me. Fortunately, what I was afraid of did not happen, which is to say: the audience is not betrayed by the director. The terror is as bad as can be and keeps getting worse… and I don’t really know how to say it other than: the audience is not betrayed. The story remains truly good and worth watching because of the veracity it resonates at the depth of being in our base nature mentioned before.

That’s not to say that the other side who usually wants to see that kind of thing are left out. I don’t fault that crowd for their preference, because theirs is the interest in media entertainment for whom I am fighting for in particular, even if I most dislike that kind of media. Media as a form of creative expression for audiences serves as a kind of emulsifier that makes it possible to live as neighbors in a civilized community and be able to trust each other. Media necessarily needs to be available as an outlet for that kind of sadistic, masochistic, dark, and evil-natured expression, because if media arts are not available as an outlet, then that will be expressed in reality upon people’s lives. Do you see how important that is? Movies, games, and books can express such negativity safely without people being hurt in real life. They can be hurt, but no more than an insult hurts, and insults are perfectly fair and legal in civilized life.

If you do not protect the freedom of speech, religion, and press, then the oppression that will cause for people like me, who have been wounded by evil through no fault of our own, is to necessitate the expression of personal pain from an evil wound in real life, which equates to… turning human beings into our material to create art with, cutting away pieces of their lives, objectifying them into an object to reflect our own image with no respect for their individuality, and causing them unbelievable amounts of pain and suffering to no benefit of theirs and only amusement for ourselves. That is one of the most inhumane, evil, uncivilized, and intolerable crimes against humanity and cannot be allowed to happen. Why? That is why a serial killer like Dahmer does what he does. Is that the world you want to live in? With a steadily increasing population of serial killers who torture and then eat their victims? That’s what the censorship and suppression of hate speech and abrasive communication of conflict causes. That’s what the suppression of insults and fear of argument leads to.

I realize you people do not like that stuff, but we do not like the pain in our lives that is caused by people like you who do not care about others who are less privileged than yourself. You need to tolerate that as a compromise, or the result you are going to get for having censorship dull and degrade all your media and communication is an increase of the most horrific kinds of crime and violence. Stuff that will truly terrify you about who your neighbor will be. The more you suppress free speech, the more harm you are causing. The evil that is done to people and causes them pain, true pain, not your vain, arrogant, fragile egos who whimper when you are insulted or corrected, but true trauma to their perspective of reality, needs to be released, and media is the safe way of doing so. There is no other acceptable way to express the higher power of supernatural divinity in darkness than creative arts, and that supernatural divinity is the source of what has the potential for evil, but is not evil itself. You should all be literate enough to not be afraid of any form of human communication like art, writing, speaking, or anything like that, so why are you so scared of allowing people to say what they think, feel, and believe? If you are so certain you are going to be corrected and proven wrong, is that not all the more reason to listen to what they have to say!?

Now, as for you lot, my kindred spirits, you are not betrayed either, and that’s all I’m going to say about that. Take this on trust and see if I prove worthy to your “finer” sensibilities, because I have your interests in mind with my work, even if you don’t see me enjoying the same kind of activities you like to enjoy. I am one of you, but my interests are different. I suppose that’s because of the way I was hurt, which makes me want to see images of light, goodness, and “kids” stuff. If I had to guess, it’s because my entire life has been in darkness and my reality has been that kind of pain over and over and over again. I thought that was normal. I don’t want to see that anymore. I don’t want to think about that outside of a tasteful expression of true art, like Antrum, and I don’t even want to see it there, but that’s why the genre is called horror. A grim reminder of the reality the world will succumb to if I fail in my work to establish social change and end the injustice that violates the doctrine of Freedom.

I don’t need to be reminded, but it’s always a good reminder from time to time to reinforce the foundation of civilization. That’s why your “jokes” and “pranks” against me cause me such pain and suffering, and I am not going to let it go. I’ve suffered enough of that kind of evil and I am going to make someone pay for it. Whoever is at the top of your scheme is going to answer for what they allowed to happen to me. I need that to stop, because now I know that is not normal, and I want to experience life like a normal person. I want to experience friendship, love, community, and have my human rights respected like anyone else’s, and why shouldn’t they be?

Go ahead… keep pushing me. You have my permission, encouragement, and blessing. All the more reason I will have to respond to the “magic” you think you are doing with the long gun I use to kill when I need to kill. I won’t gloat over you, nor are you good to eat, but I will end your suffering swiftly with the underside of my boot and then take care of your sister. Even if someone gives you a direct order in your chain of command to do what you have been doing, you should refuse. A human being does not have the authority to grant that permission, or authorize that kind of action, and you know damn well I and the people you obey are all human beings. Nor would any good being command humans to do evil, so who then are you listening to and obeying as your god?

All in all, 10/10. A movie like Antrum is the only kind I would dare give a perfect score to. There is clearly a higher power inspiring the work, and it is the kind of higher power you fear and avoid, not find shelter with.

As for the snuff film… I’m going to believe that it is art, acting, and stagework, but I don’t know for certain one way or the other. That is to the credit of the director and creators of the film. I would be insulting them if I accused them of incorporporating something as crude as real snuff in a masterpiece film. It wouldn’t be a work of art if there was natural violence. It would be crime, evidence, and be of no value. However, given all the other elements of the film with value, I find it most unlikely that a creator with that kind of vision would make the mistake of thinking a turd would be a good addition on a dinner plate because it doesn’t match everything else at the table. That kind of artistic technique should only be done with great care and intentional purpose, never with mystery.

For example, StoryTeller, my first novel. Throughout there are numerous typos and flaws that I intend to be there, which are both naturally created and permitted as part of my purpose. The reason being: consider human history. Our story is not only horrifically imperfect with flaws that are uncharacteristically inhuman at isolated moments throughout, but a lot of our story is not a smooth flowing chain of events. There are bumps, gaps, and places where fabrications likely exist and it is difficult to be sure what actually happened. That works in tandem with all the suffering throughout the plot because in the present moment, the present universe, and the present Story, we need to do better than before. We need to prevent suffering, have a better future than last time, and be more accurate and professional with how we tell what happened.

Also, I was attempting to make a work like Antrum, knowing I was inadequate for the job. That said, I also knew that my goal was the same goal as what is terrifying about Antrum, because I have been a student of occult sciences/mystery for a very long time. I didn’t want to even pretend like I knew what I was doing, or feign some sort of mastery I didn’t have. I wanted it to be roughshod like early punk rock music by a bunch of angsty enraged teenagers who can play well enough, but their technical performance with the instrument is not the reason why they stepped on stage in the first place. They have the opposite reason, in fact, to challenge the norm, disrupt the status quo, and challenge the world with a point that needs to be made. People like me have something to express that needs to be heard, and not only for ourselves. For all the people who know why we are screaming on stage, challenging the world with the power of truth.

Oh and I suppose the urban legend is true, because I low key text asked a high school crush of mine if she wanted to get married while watching… coincidence, I assure you. I’m not saying that’s going to save your life, but you probably ought to confess your undying love for someone and pull your heart out just to be safe.