An old song...

I listened to an old song tonight. A song that played in an old life I used to have. A time when I was alive in bliss, suffering before I even knew what suffering was. The pain comes back in new ways in a life reborn, still hurting, still sweet, still deeper than deep; meaning hidden in itself, suffering on top of suffering like addicted pleasure I can’t stop wanting.

Loving like mad, harder than I should, leaping off cliffs and soaring with wings that love with no limits. An old song that fired synapses dormant and not to be disturbed. Good God what have I done!? The haunting comes, and there is nothing I can do. Such doors when opened do not close, bringing ghosts that don’t go back in.

An old song.

Sacred from beyond the veil, in the realms where words and spirits dwell, the heavens and the hells. All part of the Story— the place where souls go to dwell. A song, a movie, a poem, and next thing you know, you’re in another realm, a place you thought you left, only to find again that nothing’s changed.

An old song and my spirit flies from time, back to my heart and burns me alive.

What have I done? Where have I gone? The truth awakened now renews what was forgotten, not lost but forsaken, for true life itself was at stake when I think of the depth of pain, never once love being a game.

It offers an edge to my heart, a new kind of hurt. It’s different and familiar, the pain more stable, the hurt like whiskey straight, a fire pleasant to take, intoxicating. Memory washes away what isn’t important and when so little was left in my ruinous state, more seems to stay.

They’ve come now, the haunting ghosts of loves gone cold, never answered, never known. So much love wasted on their names. So much wasted soul.

Not wasted, but reminded, and renewed, love returned from the abyss where it was lost, by the very ghosts who came to haunt. I can’t bear to see their face— the pain!

They are here to stay and I’m to blame, my love too much for any one to take, misguided and unfair, too hard for human hearts.

It is okay now. In the place where it belongs, my soul knowing better than I did when I was young.

Love renewed is more than I deserve, selfish as I was. A second chance I won’t mess up. A second chance like an enduring beam of undying light. It’s not for one, but the one. No human soul could possibly contain but the one from who it came, selflessly giving to all it can.

An old song triggered a detonation years ago set and once more I’ve come awake, my death like wine to taste. New life with timeless love once again at stake, the promise not broken, the oath still true. Whatever it takes. I’ll do whatever it takes. Your junkie, your addict, your freak. True love has taken what long ago was claimed.