Give sparkly me. Give twinkly me. Me, you trade, trade!

I shall teach the secret mysteries of ultimate true power used as a force of destruction, domination, and self-defense which can be used to defeat armies, conquer worlds, and overcome any threat of survival. In exchange for that divine mystery of power, you shall teach me the secret mysteries of maintaining long hair so that it is not frizzy and I can make the most of my long, dark, wavy locks for the enjoyment of others who would marvel and admire the glory of such good hair.