On the healthy use of human urine and other topics

According to my secret vision of the universe’s code of reality unlocked as a secret ability by using my seductive mind gravity to draw maidens toward me through mysterious ways when all normal methods were blocked by fools who thought they could thwart true love, there are things about stuff that may or may not be interesting and useful to know about.

When that secret ability was activated and became accessible for me, I saw the divine spreadsheet of statistics concerning unseen human behavior, most of which I forgot because I didn’t care what they were and was looking for a maiden, not numbers. There was one that stood out which I shall now reveal unto you all: 99 percent of human beings urinate while in the shower alone. Not always, but they do it when the urge comes and without restraint or feeling guilty. I can neither confirm nor deny that I am in that 99 percent range.

Why is this important? There is a reason for everything is there not? So, when I did a cross-reference with personal experience to see if there was any relevant information, one particular assertion of the value of shower peeing came to mind:

Urinating in the shower, specifically on your own feet, prevents and reverses the growth of warts. So if foot warts are a problem that concerns you, you may want to try peeing on your feet in the shower. I’ve never been really concerned about that, thankfully, but I suppose it can’t hurt to try. The steady flow of clean water keeps it hygienic and sanitary. What I cannot confirm is whether or not it is a chemical reaction of urine properties or a magical property of the mysterious uses of urine.

As for foot warts, the reason they are not a concern is because I have a different method. It used to be impossible to find good fitting shoes because of all the warts on my feet, but then I solved the problem by experimenting in my alchemy lab. This is the formula:

hydrogen peroxide 2 oz

Windex 2 oz

everclear 1 oz

petroleum jam

mix all liquids together first, then mix that with the petroleum preserves to thicken it into a good, spreadable goop. Then apply it generously on all foot areas using a popsicle stick that you recently received as a reward for a enjoying a popsicle (it’s important that you don’t use a plain popsicle stick, but the flavor doesn’t matter).

for those of you who don’t know what everclear is, it is the strongest drinking alcohol legally for sale in the Western hemisphere and possibly the entire world, and I believe it is the equivalent of moonshine which in my experience is probably true. You don’t want to mess around with it. It is like going toe to toe in a spiritual fight with me. Don’t do it unless you are on a mission to get f***ed up or willing to get f***ed up for the mission, and both times is a mistake so I advise against it.

It is so strong, you can actually light it on fire, and it is the secret ingredient for the mystical cocktail known as a “Flaming Dr. Pepper”.

For the benefit of home-alchemists, allow me to save you some grief: first, do not use a red Solo cup, or any other plastic vessel to make a Flaming Dr. Pepper, or other variants of fiery beverage. Next first, do not consume a Flaming Dr. Pepper or variant with a straw. The only way they are to be consumed is by extinguishing the flame the moment before drinking it.

Last, don’t drink everclear straight unless you are an experienced drinker and know how to handle your alcohol, and even then, only do so occasionally as feats of manliness demostrated by alcohol such as competitive chugging, beer bongery, or inverted reverse tanking (see Tommy Boy for further reference).

On the note of beer bongery, if you use your own home apparatus that you made with a large funnel, plastic tubing, and duct tape, you may want to consider lining the inside of the funnel with margarine, butter, or oil of some sort (probably not motor oil). That will prevent excessive foaming so the bongery can proceed without delay. Any manufacturers of beer bongs should incorporate that factor into the design of their funnel.

Also, if somebody at the party suggests everyone go streaking, it is always a good idea and you should do it.

Last thing is concerning the “graveyard.” That’s something that you don’t want too little of or too much of. Meaning it’s fine if you start, but if you don’t party like every day is the apocalypse, you probably out to take down the graveyard. If you do party in such a way and see the graveyard take up all the space alotted, do not allow spill over. Simply replace cheap graves with superior quality ones. If you have so much money that all graves are high class bottles, I’m not sure what you are doing by having a graveyard because that is quite the low class decoration in good taste among the low places and much more tacky in the high places, but if I were you, I’d add special display features, like back lighting and other effects to go over the top with it (for further details on methodology of going over the top, see the Stallone film, Over the Top).

High class graves are welcome in low place grave yards, but they are usually prominent for the memory of special occasions that cost a pretty penny or demanded a special bottle for any reason, and if they are all like that it probably defeats the purpose. However if you switch it all out over time, then start switching back to cheap ones you find worthy and maybe add something memorable to evoke a special memory when you see it, idk. Usually a maiden will convince you to throw all that out by then, or you’ll move and throw it all out, but there are exceptions.

In regards to the meaning of low place and high places reference the relevant Garth Brooks song. It is not about superiority or inferiority, it is about types of charm. Charm is classy, but not all types of charm are the same. It is like a spectrum that goes from the gutter on street level (possibly lower if there is an underground community but values change in nature past zero) and all the way up to the penthouse level (possibly higher if there is a celestial community, but values change if it gets that high). Each of those environments is different in value systems of worldly things but they should be the same in moral values. Meaning, a loosey is something with more meaning on street level than it is up in the penthouse suite. There is nothing wrong with bumming cigs or sharing cigs, and it can be a vehicle for mutual charm for everyone to stay classy, but it can also be inappropriate and do the opposite if you are fiending.

That's enough for now.